Ellen Page - Your Inquiring Reporter by Archer

February 15, 2011


Ellen Page, the CFA's  Inquiring Reporter was hard at work roaming the CFA training center for comments on the upcoming Feb. 18th card.  One of her personal favorites, Jessica Biel was scheduled to tangle with Jennifer Aniston.

"I always glad to be fighting," Jessica said. "If I could, I'd fight every week. Sitting around watching other women fight makes me antsy, so I am happy to be in action, even if it's just Aniston. She has never impressed me. But I still have to take her seriously. I am not about to let her pull off an upset."

"Why would it be an upset, Biel?" Came the voice of Jennifer Aniston. "I think beating you won't be that hard at all. You're biggest weapon is your reputation and I don't buy into it."

"You will after I kick your aging ass," Jessica said bluntly, not appreciating the interruption.

"My ass is holding well enough, the question is how much your butt is muscle and how much is cellulite," Jen sneered.

Jessica glared: "Get out of my interview!"

"Just letting Ellen and her public get a dose of reality," Jennifer Aniston and strolled off.

Later, Ellen was fortunate enough to encounter Jennifer Connelly and her future opponent Angeline Jolie talking trash at one another.

"Connelly, I don;t know how you've gotten as far as you have in the CFA, but reality is going to catch up to you!" Angie was hissing. "I'm going throw you out with the trash."

"You know a lot about trash," Connelly responded, "it's mostly what's on your record. You can't handle a REAL fighter like me! I'm going to exposing you--so get ready to see your career go into a decline."

"Unlike your butt, my career will not be sagging after this fight!" Ms Jolie declared. "In fact once I've beaten you, I'll be moving to control this fed."

"That'll be the day!" Connelly responded.

Ellen was hoping to interrupt and ask the two some questions, when she caught sight of Miley Cyrus struttinng into the room. Ellen and her trusty camcorder headed for the young actress/singer. Miley saw her coming and broke into a big grin.

"Well, if isn't 'Pitiful Page'! Hey you get my present?" Miley asked.

Ellen glared at the taller girl: "That wasn't funny, Cyrus. A poster of me, out cold, being stomped Emma Watson. Neither was you signing it 'Thinking of you. Best Regards...

"You need to loosen up," Miley said, "it'll help you as you pass through the CFA getting your ass handed to you."

Ellen clenched her fists: "Keep talking Cyrus, it'll help motivate me to kick your overrated butt!"

"Oh, look, 'Li'l Page' is mad at me!" Miley mocked. "I'm scared now!"

Ellen suddenly lashed out with the palm of her right hand and slapped Miley across her wide-open mouth. The blow spun Miley's head around. Ellen then tossed her camcorder to a surprised Jessica Biel, who nevertheless kept it running as the enraged little wrestler threw herself on the dazed Miley Cyrus and dropped her on her butt. Miley was so surprised by the attack it took her several long moments to get her hands onto Ellen's wrists and pull her off. She then rolled with her so that as Ellen landed on her back, MIley was atop her.

"You ain't even gonna make it to Friday!" Miley cried vengeful and brought back her fist tyo start raining blows on Ellen's face, but before she could Jessica Biel reached down and grabbed a handful of Miley's long hair then pulled her off.

"That's enough!" Jessica ordered.

Ellen was sitting up looking dazed as Miley writhed under Jessica's grip. Jessica tossed Ellen the camcorder with her free hand.

"Time to go, kid," she told Ellen.

Ellen got to her feet and made a kick at Miley's leg. It was only a glancing blow but Miley howled with fury and tried, unsuccessfully to kick back.

"I didn't need you to save me!" Ellen told Jessica.

"Yes, you did!" Miley cried indignantly. "I'm gonna get you for this!"

"Just leave," Jessica said, "and let this wildcat cool off. Some of us would like to train today."

"Okay," Ellen said, "I just can't stand her."

"I can't stand YOU!" Miley cried.

"Go!" Jessica ordered.

Ellen sighed and turned the camcorder towards herself: "This is Ellen Page, Your Inquiring Reporter signing off for now."


February 1, 2011

Ellen Page put on her official CFA Inquiring Reporter badge and headed back stage as the PPV ended. She soon discovered that 9 of the 10 losing fighters were not willing (or able) to comment on their defeats. It looked to Ellen that her back stage colleague Sarge was going to find plenty of subjects to consol this week.

However, Ellen caught sight of Jen Garner and Jessica Biel standing outside the locker room, laughing and talking with friends. Ellen checked her trust camcorder and headed over.

"Hi, Jen!" Ellen called. "That was a great fight you had with Charlize Theron. And you, too, Jessica, that was a terrific fight with Kristanna Loken!"

"Thank you," Jen said, "but Charlize never makes beating her easy."

"Neither does, Kris Loken," Jessica added. "If had been anyone else but me, Kris might not have lost."

"Oh, really?" Jen said. "I suppose I wouldn't have been able to beat her?"

"Well, maybe you--on a good night," Jessica responded with a smile.

"Are you two planning to fight each other?" Ellen asked. "After this, people are going to be argue over which of you is better."

Jen and Jess looked a tad uncomfortable. Finally Jen said: "We'll see what happens when it happens."

"It's all part of the sport," Jess said trying to sound professional.

"Haven't you two wrestled before?" Ellen asked.

"Not in a long time," Jen admitted.

"I was a lot younger then--just starting out--Jen had been doing it longer--but it was still close," Jessica said, but she was frowning at the memory.

"Well, Ellen, if you'l excuse us, we have some people to meet," Jennifer said and steered Jessica.

Ellen pondered this, but not for long. The locker room door crashed open and out came Emma Stone and Hayden Panettiere. Both had won tonight but now they were arguing.

"I'm better than you, Panny!" Emma Stone was declaring.

"You are not!" Hayden Panettiere snapped.

Ellen tried to get out of the two girls' way, but they too busy squabbling to notice her until they all went down in a tangled heap.

"YOU AGAIN!" Hayden cried extracting from the pile and glaring at Ellen

"You ambushed us on purpose!" Emma accused.

Ellen scrambled to her feet: "As usual, you two keep blaming me for your own mistakes!"

Emma and Hayden advanced threatening on Ellen, who stood her ground: "I'm not running from you two!"

Hayden paused: "You know, Em, we dont have to beat the shrimp up now--"

Emma Stone brightened: "Emma Watson is going to do it for us!"

Ellen set her jaw: "Don't be too sure of that! I can fight better than you think!"

Hayden snickered: "Better be a whole lot better than I think you can fight."

Emma snickered too: "Some girls get all the luck. I never thought Watson was much of a fighter, but I think even she could beat little Ellie here."

Ellen's face reddened: "You won't be laughing when I win."

"No, we too shocked to say anything," Hayden quipped and Emma laughed as though this were the funniest thing she had ever heard.

"Hey, let's go over and find Watson and give her some 'Page Punchin' tips," Emma Stone proposed. Hayden laughed and the two girls strolled off.

"Well," Ellen said sourly, "at least now they've stopped arguing with each other for a change." (She turns the camera on herself and says firmly) "This is Ellen Page, Your Inquiring CFA Reporter--and soon-to-be-debuting CFA wrestler signing off for now."

Jan 17, 2011

Ellen Page could hardly believe it. She was an actual wrestling member of the CFA. The Front Office had asked her to continue her popular role as Inquiring Reporter. She was happy to agree, though what she really wanted to do was prove herself as a wrestler. She entered the Locker Room to inspect her new locker.  Her trusty camcorder was with her to record that moment. She quickly discovered the CFA assigned new lockers in the order fighters were signed. Therefore she found herself next to Amanda Bynes and Sophia Bush. They eyed Ellen with curiosity. At 5'1 she was smaller than the 5'4 Sophia and 5'8 Amanda and they both had the "What's she doing here?" Look on their faces.

"To answer the question: I know I'm little but so is Panettiere, Hudgens and Kristen Bell!"

Sophia and Amanda nodded gravely. Sophia asked: "But are you tough enough to beat them? Those girls have a lot more experience than you do."

"I'll have you know I was known as 'The Tiny Terror', " Ellen said with a smile. "Soon everyone will find out why."

"YEAH--THE~REST OF WILL BE TERRIFIED WE SQUASHED YOU BUG-GIRL!"

The three newest member turned to see Hayden Panettiere and Emma Stone standing there. Sophia and Amanda had been following Ellen's columns and knew there was ill-will between Ellen this pair.

"Don't call me 'Bug-Girl'!" Ellen said. "It's not funny."

"Neither are you," Hayden said. "We can't believe the Front Office signed a troublemaking wimp like you."

Ellen was getting angry, clenching her small fists: "I am not a wimp! You two have no reason to be angry with me. What happened what your own fault!"

Emma and Hayden glared at Ellen and moved towards her, but before they could Amanda and Sophia stepped up next to Ellen.

"Back off," Amanda said looking down at the two aggressive, but smaller girls, "or we'll see how you like 3 on 2."

"Save it for the ring," Sophia advised. "We're don't get paid for locker room brawls."

Emma and Hayden looked frustrated and seemed to be pondering their chances. Then Jennifer Garner appeared and she gave them both cold looks.

"There some trouble here?" Jennifer asked joining Ellen, Amanda and Sophia.

"I think they were just leaving," Amanda said

"Yeah, we know when we're out-numbered," Hayden said sullenly and Emma nodded, then backed off.

"Thank you," Ellen said, "but I could have handled them--I think."

Amanda and Sophia smiled: "We couldn't let them think they could intimidate our sister rookie," Amanda said. "It sets a bad example," Sophia added.

"We're going to look at the Training Room," Amanda offered, "Want to come?"

"Thank you, I'll meet you there," Ellen said, "I need to talk to Jennifer a minute."

Amanda and Sophia departed. Ellen turned her camcorder on Jennifer. "I want to ask you about your bout with Charlize Theron. Are you ready for her?"

Jennifer nodded: "As much as anyone can be ready to Theron. She's always been one of my toughest opponents. I haven't beaten her nearly enough to shake her confidence, but I definitely to try. The way I see it, the CFA is whole new chapter for me and I'm off to a good start, but beating Charlize could make it a GREAT start! So I want to win."

Suddenly who should appear but Charlize Theron. She smiled affably: "Now, Ms. Page, don;t let Jennifer mislead the fans. As much as Jennifer wants to win, I want to win even more and  even she will admit that I've proven that to her many times in the past. The CFA will be no different."

Jennifer's dimpled smile froze: "We'll have to about that, Charlize. I think it will be different."

Charlize gave Jennifer a condescending smile: "You always do, Jenny dear, but it never seems to quite work out that way, does it?"

"You know, Charlize, mostly I want to win for the satisfaction of getting your big ego a boot,: Jen growled.

"Try it and you'll be getting a boot of your own," Charlize said coolly.

"Nice to meet you Miss Theron, I'm Ellen Page," Ellen said thrusting her hand into Charlize's as she tried to get between the two bigger fighter.

"Pleased to meet you," Charlize said, "but right now, I need to get ready to thrash Jennifer Garner yet again.

"Dream on," Jen snapped.

"Beating you is one of my favorite dreams," Charlize said with a chuckle and walked away.

"She drives me nuts," Jennifer grumbled, "this time she's going to pay for it."

Jennifer then said a quick goodbye to Ellen and disappeared. Ellen turned the camcorder towards her own face: "This is Ellen Page, Your Inquiring Reporter (and New CFA fighter) signed off for now...



 Jan 10, 2011

Ellen Page head backstage her proud "Official CFA Reporter" badge on her chest and trust camcorder in hand. With a pang, she realized that the wrestlers in the Training Room weren't exactly rushing over to talk to her. Still, she was determined to do her job. After all, that Sarge fellow was starting to make friends and she couldn't afford to let him get too many exclusives. Just then she spotted Amanda Seyfried in a cute red one piece with a little skirt around it, climbing out of a practice ring. Ellen headed right up to her.

"Ms. Seyfried, I'm Ellen Page, would you mind talking to me about your fight Shannen Doherty?" Ellen asked politely.

"Sure thing," Amanda said, "but you can call me 'Mandy'."

"So, Mandy, you think you can beat a tough veteran like Shannen?"

"I admit she's got a lot of miles on her chassis," Amanda said, "but she's not the fighter she was 10 or 15 years ago. That's my plan you see: wear her down and finish her off."

"Oh, really?" Came a sneering voice.

Amanda and Ellen turned. There stood a grumpy looking Shannen Doherty in red shorts and gray tee shirt.

"Look--Mandy--you can talk big now, but expect to be squealing in pain when I get through with you," Shannen said.

Now it was Amanda's turn to look grumpy: "You stay out of this. Donherty--this is my interview,"

"Not anymore," Shannen said and gave Amanda a sudden push to the shoulders that sent the blonde flying.

"Now as I was saying, Ms Page, these rookies don't scare me," Shannen said. "In fact I loved the look of fear in their eyes when they realize how tough I really am."

Amanda Seyfried had regained her feet and came charging back. Shannen coolly remained where she was until Amanda was almost within striking distance, then she suddenly lunged forward caught the blonde with a forearm across the throat. Amanda came to a sudden halt, sank to her knees, eyes bulging as she tried to get her breath.

"Well," Shannen said, "I think I've made my point. See you in the ring, Mandy."

Ellen looked on in astonishment as Shannen Doherty strutted away. Then back down to Amanda who was slowly recovering.

"I--I--I'm--going--to--kill her!" Amanda panted glaring after Doherty,

Ellen then turned the camera on herself : "I think that wraps this segment up. Be back soon. This is Ellen Page, Your Inquiring CFA reporter, signing off for now!"



Jan 4, 2011

Ellen Page proudly wearing her new security badge that read "CFA REPORTER" and armed with her trusty camcorder stepped into the CFA Training Room in search of good interviews for the upcoming January 7th card. The room was actually rather crowd, seeing so many CFA wrestlers in one place was exciting. Suddenly she heard a commotion from the rear of the building.

"Fight! Fight" The cry went up and, no different than your average schoolyard, the words brought a crowd, which put a wall between the tiny reporter and the scene of the action. None the less, Ellen got down on all fours and holding her camcorder strap in her teeth, burrowed her way through a tangle of legs and finally emerged to see it was Emma Stone and Hayden Panettiere their hands locked in each other's hair screeching insults.

At this point Megan Fox strutted out of the crowd: "Leave to those two jobbers to deprive the paying customers of the better fight."

Hayden and Emma stopped fighting and turned to Megan. "You shut up, Meggy!" Hayden snapped. "This is none of your business."

Emma glared at the smirking Megan: "Yeah, get lost!"

"Aw, you are depriving Our Little Reporter of a story," Megan mocked.

It was only at this point that anyone seemed to noticed Ellen Page. A silence fell over the crowd and Ellen realized they were all staring at her. She forced a cheerful smile.

"Oh, don't mind me. I just seeing what was going on," she said.

Hayden came over, with Emma right behind her: "You trying to make us look bad?"

"I'd say you two were doing a good job of that!" Megan interjected. "She's just preserving it for the CFA public."

Emma and Hayden made a grab for the camcorder, but Ellen struggled to keep it away. "Hey, this is my job!"

"And you're threatening ours!" Emma snapped.

Hayden got a headlock on Ellen and Emma struggled to wrench the camcorder away. Purely in self-defense, Ellen rammed the camcorder into Emma's stomach causing her to fall down. Ellen then stomped on Hayden's foot with her sneakered heel drinking a grunt of pain from Hayden and Ellen dove into the crowd, crawling madly to get away from Hayden and Emma. The crowd parted like the Red Sea. Hayden and Emma started after their quarry, but Megan gave them both a shove and they sprawled on their faces. Ellen now cleared the crowd and whirled to get a nice shot of Megan doing a double elbow drop onto Hayden and Emma dropping them both flat on their faces.

"Hey, thanks Megan!" Ellen called out.

Megan was now sitting on top both girls: "Hey, maybe with all the whimps around here, what I need is a handicapped match like this!"

Hayden and Emma squirmed furiously (and it made for great footage), but could not escape. Then the crowd closed in around the trio and Ellen saw her chance to leave on. On the way out she encountered Megan Fox's upcoming opponent Kirsten Dunst.

"Foxy is such a showoff," Dunst complained, "she only did that to intimidate me."

"You feeling intimidated?" Ellen asked.

"Not at all," Dunst assured her. At that point, the crowd suddenly parted again and Megan appeared dragging Hayden and Emma by the hair.

"Hey, Kiki! If these two can't beat me, what chance have YOU got?"

"You haven't beaten us!" Hayden howled.

"You jumped us!" Emma complained.

"Awww," Megan said, stopping and then suddenly banging the two girls heads together. The crowd went OOOOOOO!!!! Hayden and Emma looked glassy-eyed. Megan let them drop and strutted up to Kirsten and Ellen.

"Scared yet?" Megan asked Kirsten as Ellen stepped back to film it all.

"N-no!" Kirsten said, uneasily eying the two groaning girls on the floor.

Megan laughed: "That's what i thought. See you Friday, Kiki! Try to do better than two, we owe to the fans to give them a decent show."

"Don't you worry about me!" Kirsten snapped, but she kept looking nervously at Hayden and Emma who were now sitting up and holding their aching heads.

Megan laughed and strolled away. At this point, CFA Security showed up to restore order and escort Emma and Hayden to the CFAs in-house clinic. As she passesd Ellen, still recording the action, she turned and hissed:

"This is all your fault!"

Ellen gave her a defiant look: "Any time, Emma, any time."

(Hayden Panettiere gave Ellen a fierce look, but said nothing.)

Once they were gone, Ellen turned the camera on herself to wind up the segment: "And that's all for now folks, this is your Official CFA Inquiring Reporter signing off.


Dec 28, 2010

Jennifer Garner entered the lobby of the CFA Training Center and headed straight for the door marked "LOCKER ROOM: AUTHORIZED PERSONS ONLY".

She came to a sudden halt as she realized standing near the doorway was her future opponent Cameron Diaz and she was talking to an eager-faced, tiny young woman who was armed with a camcorder. She recognized her at once: Ellen Page. As she drew closer she could hear what was being said.

"...Sure Garner's tough, but she's getting on in years. Time always catches us a wrestler and I'm going to be the one to tell her it's time to quit!" Cameron was chattering.

"Excuse me!" Jennifer interupted.

"Oh, hi Jen. I have decided that I am going to be the CFA's Inquiring Repoirter." Ellen said.

"Who's idea was that?" Jen asked.

"Mine," Ellen said, adding: "the Front Office doesn't exactly know about it yet. I was thinking I could post some interviews and maybe they'd hire me."

"Is that all?" Jen asked.

"Well, I was kind of hoping they might consider me as a wrestler too,"

Cameron Diaz let out an unkind snicker. Ellen's face reddened.

"There are other small girls around here. Hayden Panettiere's not exactly an amazon," Jen said kindly.

"Ahem!" Cameron interupted. "She was interviewing me first."

"Sorry," Jen said, "but I don't think the fans will learn anything from your bragging. It's just goping to sound embarassing after I kick your blonde ass back to the bar league you came from."

"Oh yeah, you were in that bar league, too!" Camerson snapped.

"Not for long," Jen retorted. "And not before I kicked your butt plenty of times. I'm getting positively nostalgic for that terrified look on your face when you realize you've lost. I'm really looking forward to seeing it again."

Cameron tried to get chest to chest with Jennifer, but she had overlooked Ellen Page who was getting squuezed between them.

"Hey!" Ellen gasped. "I wanted to get 'up close and personal', but not this close!"

"Sorry," Cameron said, stepping back, but giving Jennifer a dirty look. "Your day is ending Garner. Everyone is going to see that after I kick your saggy ass."

"Dream on," Jen retorted.

Cameron turned on her heel and disappeared through the door to the Locker Room. Jennifer was left with Ellen Page.

"Well, time I was getting along myself," Jen said with a smile. "Good luck, Ellen."

"Thank you," Ellen said and filmed Jen until she too was gone. Then she turned the recorder around and said. "This is Your Inquiring CFA reporter Ellen Page, signing off on my very first CFA interview. Let's hope it's not my last...."